Caught Off Guard by Your Child's Question? How to Navigate Tough Conversations with Faith and Honesty
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash
As parents, one of the most challenging yet crucial moments we face is when our children ask questions we aren’t quite ready to answer. Questions about life, origins, and especially topics like sex and relationships can often catch us off guard. Yet, these moments are golden opportunities to guide our children with wisdom, honesty, and faith. This article dives deep into how Christian fathers can approach such conversations with grace and truth, rooted in God’s design for sex, marriage, and family. Inspired by heartfelt discussions from the Called by God Podcast Channel, this guide offers practical advice for parents who want to prepare their children to navigate a complex world with confidence and godly understanding.
The Reality of Parenting in Today’s World
Children today are growing up in a world saturated with information—much of it unfiltered and often contrary to Christian values. From social media platforms like YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok to movies and music, kids are exposed daily to messages about sex and relationships that can be confusing or even harmful.
As one father shared, “You can try to avoid it, but YouTube is going to teach them, Instagram is going to teach them, TikTok is going to teach them.” This reality means parents can no longer shy away from these conversations. Instead, we must be the primary source of truth for our children, teaching them in a way that aligns with God’s design and love.
When Your Child Asks, “How Did I Get Here?”
One of the first tough questions children often ask is about their origins—“How did I get here?” This question opens the door for parents to introduce age-appropriate explanations that blend biological facts with spiritual truths.
For younger children, a simple and truthful answer might be, “You came from the hospital,” or “You were with God in heaven before you were born.” This approach respects their level of understanding and plants seeds of faith early on. As children grow and mature, parents can gradually introduce more detailed conversations about anatomy, relationships, and God’s plan.
Using medical terminology and clear, respectful language helps children understand their bodies and the differences between males and females without shame or confusion. One father recounted how he and his wife decided to “be upfront and honest” with their kids, teaching them the correct names for body parts and explaining the changes they would experience as they grow.
Breaking the Silence: Why Churches and Parents Must Speak Up
For too long, many Christian communities have avoided or skirted around topics related to sex and human sexuality. This silence has often done more harm than good, leaving children to learn from worldly influences that may distort God’s design.
As the podcast hosts emphasized, “The church has avoided so many of these types of topics for so long that I think it was detrimental.” This avoidance has contributed to confusion, misinformation, and sometimes even shame among young believers.
Parents and church leaders alike must reclaim these conversations, teaching children about sex and marriage as sacred, God-ordained institutions. This means addressing the topic openly and honestly, without embarrassment or fear, helping children see sex as a beautiful, intimate expression meant for marriage.
Teaching the Godly Design of Sex and Marriage
At the heart of these discussions is the truth that God made sex, God made marriage, God made man, and God made woman. These are not taboo subjects but divine creations meant to be celebrated within the covenant of marriage.
Sex is more than just a physical act; it is a spiritual union that reflects the perfect love and unity of the Trinity—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. As one father explained, “Sex is intimacy, closeness, oneness, worship with your partner, becoming one flesh.”
This understanding helps children see that sex is not merely about pleasure or desire but about love, commitment, and spiritual unity. It is an expression of love that God designed to take place within the safety and sanctity of marriage.
Addressing the Consequences of Sexual Activity Outside of Marriage
While teaching the beauty of sex in marriage, it’s also important to discuss the consequences of sexual activity outside of God’s intended design. These consequences can be physical, emotional, and spiritual.
- Physical consequences: Risks of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), unplanned pregnancies, and long-term health issues.
- Emotional consequences: Heartbreak, broken trust, and feelings of regret or shame.
- Spiritual consequences: Separation from God’s best plan, feelings of guilt, and spiritual brokenness.
Parents can guide their children to understand that while sex feels good—“just like sin feels good”—it’s meant to be enjoyed responsibly within marriage. This honest approach helps children make informed decisions and understand why God’s boundaries matter.
Strategies for Fathers: How to Prepare and Execute These Conversations
One of the most valuable pieces of advice from the podcast is that fathers should not go it alone. It’s essential to “sit down with your wife and game plan this thing out” to decide together how and when to have these talks.
Consistency and openness are key. Starting with age-appropriate answers for younger children and gradually introducing more details as they mature helps keep the lines of communication open. Fathers should strive to make themselves approachable and trustworthy so that their children feel comfortable coming to them with questions.
For sons, straightforward conversations using medical and biblical language can be very effective. Explaining the anatomy, the physical changes they will experience, and the spiritual significance of sex and marriage helps them understand their identity and responsibilities.
When it comes to daughters, the conversation can be more nuanced. Fathers often feel protective and may worry about how to balance guidance with respect for their daughter’s autonomy. The advice here is to listen carefully to your wife’s input and work as a team, recognizing that mothers often have unique insights into what daughters need.
Fathers are encouraged to be patient, even if their natural inclination is to “fix things right now.” Parenting is a process, and sometimes children need time to process and grow into these lessons. Be ready to support and guide your children when mistakes happen, just like the father waiting for the prodigal son.
Reclaiming God’s Design Amidst a Confused Culture
Our culture often normalizes and even sensationalizes sexual activity outside of marriage. From media portrayals of casual sex to peer pressure and distorted messages about relationships, children are bombarded with conflicting messages.
One powerful image shared was of men “sitting under trees playing dominoes all day,” encouraging young boys to “get as much [women] as you can.” This mindset, prevalent in many communities, contradicts the Christian call to honor, purity, and commitment.
Christians must counter these messages by teaching children the value of purity and the power of waiting. As the podcast hosts affirmed, “If you’re keeping yourself holy and pure, and if you’re a woman waiting on your husband, two thumbs up. You’re doing the right thing.”
Holding to God’s standards may mean being the “oddball” in a world that often mocks or dismisses purity, but it is a powerful testimony of faith and obedience.
Understanding the Spiritual Dimension of Sexuality
Sex is not just a biological act; it carries a spiritual weight. Engaging in sex outside of marriage can create a spiritual oneness with someone you are not yet covenantally united with, which can lead to spiritual brokenness.
Reflecting on this, one father shared, “When I first lost my virginity, I became one with somebody that I wasn’t even married with.” This highlights why God’s design for sex within marriage is so important—it protects not only the body but the soul.
Final Thoughts: Your Role as a Father and Parent
In a world where children are exposed to confusing and often harmful messages about sex and relationships, Christian parents have a critical role to play. They must be prepared, honest, and loving teachers who guide their children toward God’s truth.
The key takeaways for parents include:
- Be proactive: Don’t wait for your child to ask before you start teaching them about sex, marriage, and relationships.
- Use age-appropriate language: Start simple and build on the conversation as your child grows.
- Work with your spouse: Plan together how to approach these sensitive topics.
- Create a safe space: Make sure your children feel comfortable coming to you with questions.
- Teach God’s design: Emphasize that sex and marriage are sacred and ordained by God.
- Discuss consequences: Be honest about the physical, emotional, and spiritual effects of choices.
- Model purity and love: Show your children what honoring God’s plan looks like in your own life.
Remember, as fathers and mothers, your voice is the most trusted and impactful in your children’s lives. Don’t allow the world or social media to be their primary teacher on these vital topics. Instead, step up, be bold, and guide your children with the wisdom and love that comes from God.
As the podcast hosts concluded, “Please talk to your children. Even if they ask you that question, mom, dad, how did I get here? Give it to them age appropriate. But you got to tell them, do not, and I repeat, do not let another source or other person or someone outside your household explain and answer that question for them.”
Let us embrace this calling and be the godly parents our children need in these challenging times.
