June 15, 2025
251. Raising your child to know Jesus
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In this episode of the Called by God podcast, hosts Nic and RJ Dexter talked about responsibilities of fatherhood, particularly in guiding children towards a relationship with Jesus. They share personal stories of their own upbringings, the challenges of modern parenting, and the importance of living out one's faith as an example for children. The conversation emphasizes the need for vulnerability, the significance of speaking life into children, and practical tips for fathers to instill spiritual values in their families.
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Transcript
WEBVTT
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welcome to the call by god podcast.
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I'm your host uh brother nick, and I'm here with he's not a special guest, you're like a friend family to the show brother daryl daryl smith.
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Daryl smith and honored to be here.
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Yes, yes so we're just gonna get right into.
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Let's get, because it's been a while since you've been on the show and, uh, you know, whenever you get on the show it's always gonna be powerful, because you're a true man of god.
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You're a true man of god, y'all.
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He know the deep things of god so that's a really nice way of him saying I talk too much.
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But, on a serious note, we know it's like Father's Day month and I wanted to I don't know, like I was on my way Quick story.
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You know I say these quick stories sometimes, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm driving on the road and I'm like man, you know, I be seeing on social media like how sisters they always talking to each other and how always they get their breakthroughs, and I said, but man, we build these walls.
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Oh yeah, we don't, we don't chat like that.
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Especially.
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I wanted to take an aim at fathers, especially men, that that you know, there are a lot of good men.
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I I believe that they're men that genuinely love their children, but there's also a lot of debbies.
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But I'm not talking to the debbies.
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Maybe some of this might bring awareness to some of the dudes that not doing their part.
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But I said, man, how cool it would be to uh create an episode about fatherhood, for sure, yeah, so so that's kind of like where we're at now.
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And you know I had to do a little research because I said, man, what is a father?
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you know, nowadays, you, nowadays, you gotta, you gotta look in the dictionary about what a meaning is, because you know all this.
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You know, everybody's educated now all this stuff is going on.
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So I looked at a webster dictionary and it says a father is simply a male parent.
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You know, nowadays you got like same-sex parents.
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That's what I meant.
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Like sometimes you gotta really look up the definition of a thing for sure, before you actually put it out there yeah so when I, when we talk about a father, I'm not talking about the rainbow people listen, we equivocally amen we talking about a father?
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yes, sir and then when I said like wow, a male parent, and that's what led me to look at another, a bible verse, I'm like man, what do we first see on father?
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And it's in Genesis, chapter two.
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Come on Verse 24,.
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It says therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother house and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
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Yeah, yeah, I'm like wow, that's very interesting, like how that's the first part where you see a father.
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We know that God is the ultimate father.
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Capital F.
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Right.
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I'm talking about little F fathers, for sure F.
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I'm talking about little F fathers.
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I'm like man.
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What did fatherhood?
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So God says back in Genesis 2, a male should leave his mother and father house.
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So that took me.
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That's the covenant of marriage.
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At one point, the son will leave and cleave to his wife.
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So that's what I wanted to talk about when you found out that you was going to be a dad.
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I want to hear your thought process behind that.
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Well, this one is a good one for me, nick.
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As you know, we've shared this story countless times with each other because I happened to be blessed to be a father before brother Nick, and I can remember sharing with him the joy of becoming a dad right, becoming a father.
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But I'll tell you of becoming a dad, right, becoming a father.
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But I'll tell you tremendous amount of joy when I found out that I was becoming a father.
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Excitement, but then also a little bit of anxiety, because you come face to face with you know, what does it really mean to be a father?
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Yeah, right, and you know.
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Thank God, I didn't have any issues with knowing whether or not I was a male or not, but you know things like being able to provide and to protect.
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You know and to teach, you know, instill.
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Am I really ready for this, especially in a world where you know the idea of a father, the concept of a father, and you know what a father is, who he is and what he does, gets lost, right?
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We don't have many examples of what a father is supposed to be, what a father is supposed to do.
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So I was feeling a myriad of you know feelings, yeah, but for the most part positive, right.
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And it took me, obviously, to the scriptures and you know, I started to do a, a little study and I and I have to tell you one of the things that just stood me to be what he is he gives me the blessing and the opportunity to be a father, right, right.
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And when you look at God, the father, he's the source.
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All life comes from him, everything comes from him, everything is dependent upon him, right.
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And so here it is me being a father.
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I have to step into that role and I think a lot of times fathers you know a lot of us men we don't necessarily understand that, we weren't shown that, we weren't taught that, didn't see it, but I now need to step into that role.
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So, this son, this daughter that God has blessed me with, you know, when they look at me, do they see me as the source, you know, in their lives, and what I mean by that is, you know, me stepping into that role of being a father.
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God is, god is the ultimate.
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God is the ultimate source but?
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But I need to make sure that I am in position to be the source for my son, for my children, to be the provider for my children.
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You get what I'm saying, and and that that tends to get a little tough in the world that we live in today, right, where you have systems and things in play that push against that.
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Yeah, I like that you coming from.
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Obviously, I believe you had a strong foundation growing up with a dad.
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I'm sure that played a key role in preparing you for fatherhood.
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Yes, because your dad, he raised you guys away.
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You know he was man of God.
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Yes, and so for me it was a little bit different.
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So I know the question I pose.
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You know how did it feel, you know, first time, hearing that I became a father?
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Well, let me go way back before I became a Christian, and, although I'm ashamed of what I'm about to say, but thank God for deliverance, but I just want to be open to somebody that's not spiritually inclined or somebody that's not in the church, I wanted this episode to be relevant to them as well.
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And I remember, before I obeyed the gospel many years ago, when I was out there partying, I've gotten different women pregnant and I will never forget when I met this girl and then she was like hey, you know I want to talk to you about something, what you want to talk to me about.
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You know you young, you're in your twenties, you know you're not thinking about fatherhood like that, especially like if you was raised in an environment without a dad.
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Yeah, so mom had to play mommy and daddy, but a mom can't really teach a young man how to be a man, right.
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So then you get the streets.
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You know, when you step out in the street you got older men that's telling you hey, man, you know you can't settle for one girl, so it's.
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It's always.
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That's that cycle.
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So I will never forget this.
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When this girl told me she's like, I won't let you know I'm pregnant I'm like it wasn't excitement, right, it was like abortion.
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Yeah.
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So this is a real and I'm sure this is something that's ongoing where a woman will tell a young man or even an older man like, hey, you know I'm expecting.
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Sure, this is what the dudes will tell.
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Most dudes will tell the woman Do what you got to do.
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They don't want to say that word abortion.
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Most of is not gonna say that word abortion.
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Right, but these down in their heart, like man, do what you gotta do, because what we think about, like child support man, I'm gonna be locked down to this female the responsibility of it yeah you know, being a provider, yeah, in the source, yeah, right, yeah, and, and and.
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I, you know we all come to that moment in time, yeah, and, like I said, and like you were saying there, I mean, we're in a culture right now where you know, you, you have some brothers who would just, who don't mind saying the word yeah you know, hey, get rid of the child, get rid of it.
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Yeah, you know, abort it, yeah.
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Terminate the pregnancy yeah, so yeah, for sure yeah, so that was a real thing.
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So that's the first time that happened to me and it was.
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It was the weirdest thing because this was like a real good girl.
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She had like a good thing going for herself, got a career, but her parents are like, don't mess with that dude.
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Like this dude is not, he don't got nothing going with his first self.
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So apparently they aborted the baby.
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So, um, you know, sad to say, um, in the past I ended up getting like probably five or six different women pregnant.
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I just lost count.
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Um, I'm not excited saying that, but those are things that I, you know, looking, looking now in present day, like man, like wow god, like ungodly mindset.
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I wasn't thinking properly.
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So now I'm like, hey, when people talk about abortion, I'd be like not on board that baby, keep that baby, because you know god is about life and the enemy, you know, know, we know he comes to kill, stay and destroy.
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So the first time I ever heard that, you know, a woman told me she was expecting.
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It was numerous times before I got baptized.
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And back then I was like excited because you tell your homeboy yeah, man, she got rid of the baby, she prayed it.
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You, young and dumb.
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You're not really right, but as you age you mature.
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You like I would have had like six, seven kids.
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You know what I mean.
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Like sure, my seed.
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You know what I mean, right.
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So but fast forward.
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When god delivered me, I got.
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God knocked some sense into me.
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Godly wisdom, um, yeah, god knocked some sense into me.
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Thank god for that yes, you know, and, um, when I got saved, I got married three years later and then, um, god blessed my wife and I.
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Well, we had, I had a child already, but god blessed me with two children, daughter and um, a son and man.
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The first time I like man, especially like my son.
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I started reading books, yeah, but, like you said, there's no blueprint, so it's kind of like.
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So, when you got these authors writing about fatherhood, they just pretty much talking about their experience.
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Sure, you know, but I think the best father is really what you see in scripture, which is God himself.
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I got to tell you I certainly appreciate your testimony because I believe that's going to be impactful and helpful to a lot of men who went through the same thing.
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Yeah Right, it's, you know it's.
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Sometimes it misses the mark when they hear you know a testimony like mine, because I grew up with a father and so many did not, and you know you're basically trial and error at that point.
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You are basically a product of what you see.
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You know growing up, seeing, growing up, hearing what you're exposed to you nine times out of 10, you're going to duplicate that.
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You're going to replicate that.
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I can say this and I believe this with my whole heart, and this really goes to the importance of having a father and being a father.
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If I didn't have a father in my life, I really honestly think and I think I can say this and I say this with a great deal of confidence I don't think that I would be alive.
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I think that I would either be in the grave or in somebody's jail rotting away.
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I would either be in the grave or in somebody's jail rotting away.
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I really do, and you know it's just a test.
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It's just such a great thing to hear your testimony, how God brought you out of that.
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Yeah Praise.
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God yeah.
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And I love it because you know, a lot of times, you know, we tend to hear things like that and people, especially those you know kind of quote unquote, grow up in a church, they'll kind of shy away from that and, like you know, abortion and things of that nature, and people have to understand.
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No, this is real, you know, and this happens more than people think Right, and so it's good to hear that testimony and to see how God brought you from that Right.
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So you told us four or five pregnancies, basically four or five could be more.
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It's been years for four or five terminations.
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Okay, but God still loved you that part and blessed you enough to have your own and you get to experience what it is and what it means to be a father.
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You can't tell me, see, that's how beautiful and that's how awesome a father is, because God is, and that's why I said in my studies it was so interesting and I still deal with it, wrestle with it, you know, meditate on it, look at it.
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I'm like this is the supreme being.
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He doesn't need anything, ontologically speaking, right, he's self-sufficient, self-sustaining.
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What's the like?
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Why are you revealing us?
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Why are you revealing yourself to us in this way as father?
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Right, I'm still wrestling with it.
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You know I'm still, you know I still I'm, I'm, I'm prayerful and you know, you know, confident that the Holy Spirit will continue to lead me down a path that brings greater understanding to that.
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But I'm like, why, why, why did you come to us as a father?
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Why, why do you reveal yourself as a father?
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So you know, I love talking about the subject becoming a father.
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But I would.
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I would say this too, doc there's women that have abortions and they never consult the guy.
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Like they, never like they, they like.
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There's women that have abortions and they never consult the guy like they never like they.
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They like there's women, the women that had their like.
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Some of them lost the baby, some of them had abortion in my experience, but the ones that are abortions not.
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They never consulted with me like, hey, you know, even though, like, they tell me they're pregnant, I said, hey, do what you want to do.
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Like it never said like I'm gonna do it.
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Do you consent?
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Is it okay for me to abort?
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Because there's a lot of men that's probably dealing with it even now, because a woman that abort the baby and they never told the woman to abort the baby.
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That's also a real thing as well.
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For sure.
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Yeah, that's all part of the chaos that I would say, you know, listen, abortion, that's ultimately, you know, the devils and the demons their plan, devils and the demons, their plan.
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Because, as you, you know, stated earlier so eloquently, god is life, that's that's, that's, that's who and what he is, he's life, he's love, he's life, all the life is sourced from him, right, and so, you know, when you think about the idea of death, or de-creation, if you will, if that makes sense, Right, first thing we see God doing is creating.
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In the beginning, god created life, right, and so what is the antithesis to that?
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Death?
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Right, and abortion falls into that.
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And, and you know cause, it's interesting.
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Cause, you know, I, you know, as an educator, I, you know, sometimes this, this topic, will come up with my students, right, and we'll, you know, and quite naturally, we always have, you know, we have some on both sides, whether they're for abortion, against abortion.
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And you know, I, just lately, I've been really getting at them to understand what really is abortion.
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Let's, let's, let's call it what it is, because sometimes we'll come up with these terms abortion, well, that sounds so medical.
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You kind of take away the value of it.
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What is it really?
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It's killing, it's death.
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I mean, if we really want to get down to the bare essence of it, what is abortion?
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It's killing, it's death, that's what it is Okay.
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But yeah, you're absolutely right, there are situations where the man, or the father in that case, was not consulted, was not told.
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And again, I certainly would say to that that's all part of the chaos and ultimately, spiritually speaking, from that spiritual warfare standpoint, that's what the devil and them.
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You know, spiritually speaking, from that spiritual warfare, warfare standpoint, yeah, that's what the devil in them, demons won't.
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Yeah, the men, that understands.
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You know what it means to be a father, or upcoming father, like you said, like when you are connected with God, and even if a man is ungodly because I believe that there are men out there, that's that's not in the church but they still love their children For sure.
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That's something that is hard to explain, because this being, whether or not it's a daughter or a son, came from you.
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Right, because we carry the seed.
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Yes, the only thing the woman is doing is carrying the baby.
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Sorry sisters, sorry women, sorry sisters.
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Listen, let me tell you you don't have to apologize to them.
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Listen, Listen, let me tell you you don't have to apologize to them, listen them, children, love they mamas, you know.
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Mother's Day.
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But you know, mother's Day, be on and popping, you know what I'm saying.
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They taking mama out to you know, to the finest restaurant, when.
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Father's Day come, we gonna die.
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Yeah, you know scientifically.
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Yeah, we carry, carry the seeds.
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Going back to the question, so when I heard, when my wife said, like hey, I'm expecting, it was amazing to me, like to see the, especially, as you know, you go see the ultrasound.
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Yeah, you know, you see that little nugget.
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Yes, sir see it how it evolve and grow over time.
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And as it continues to grow, you start to see it move.
00:17:27.256 --> 00:17:30.650
Right, it evolve and grow over time and as it continues to grow, you start to see it move.
00:17:30.650 --> 00:17:35.417
And to me it's just amazing, like I started to think about God.
00:17:35.417 --> 00:17:38.653
I know God was blessing me with a baby yes, sir, but I'm like God.
00:17:38.653 --> 00:17:42.667
How you allow another human being to birth another human being?
00:17:42.667 --> 00:17:43.009
How about that?
00:17:43.009 --> 00:17:52.137
Like there's a living being inside, yes, moving, and on top of that, you know my wife and I, we used to sing.
00:17:52.137 --> 00:17:54.008
You know, I'm not the best singer, like I'm not a good singer, I'm just making a joyful noise.
00:17:54.028 --> 00:18:10.311
I mean, obviously you were the singer as long as it's joyful but I was making a joyful noise and playing gospel songs and you could just see the movement like as though he was worshiping in there, and to me that was like a beautiful thing for me to see, at least at the time as an upcoming father, and that experience that I have.
00:18:10.412 --> 00:18:13.505
I would love for every father, upcoming father to experience that.
00:18:13.505 --> 00:18:26.978
Not doing what I did in the past, like do whatever you want to do with the baby or not, even if a sister's watching this not aborting the child, because there are some sisters that abort the child and they could never have a baby again.
00:18:26.978 --> 00:18:28.403
There's situations like that too.
00:18:28.403 --> 00:18:36.223
But that feeling that I felt in this is, and it's like once that child is birthed, the joy, yes, the love.
00:18:36.223 --> 00:18:41.531
Yes, it's hard to explain if you're, if you're not, a father, it's hard to explain that because, dude, be like man, what the dude talking about?
00:18:41.531 --> 00:18:54.635
I don't got no kids right, but when you, when that baby come out, for sure, like man, I love little man, I love my daughter for sure, that's that unconditional love, yes yes, I mean there's, there's.
00:18:54.855 --> 00:18:56.660
I'll liken it to this there's, there's.
00:18:56.660 --> 00:19:07.674
It's almost as if and so let me be careful how I'm say this it's, it's, it's love without constraint like there's.
00:19:07.674 --> 00:19:34.732
It's really hard to put into words and that's why I believe it is such a blessing, because I'll give it to you this way my son and I we've always had this thing when we were growing up, when he was able to talk, and we were always hanging out and I'm always playing with him, yeah, hugging on him, kissing on him, you know, wrestling with him, you know all that.
00:19:34.732 --> 00:19:39.644
And just take a moment, I'd be like you know, daddy loves you, right?
00:19:39.644 --> 00:19:42.455
And so we would have this thing where we go back and forth.
00:19:42.455 --> 00:19:49.922
He's like, yeah, daddy, but I love you more and I'll be like nah son dada loves you more, and so we.
00:19:49.990 --> 00:19:55.679
We had this thing where we keep going back and forth, and so we would just, like you know, just just make up stuff.
00:19:55.679 --> 00:19:59.536
He'd be like daddy, I loved you, I love you more.
00:19:59.536 --> 00:20:06.434
I've been loving you for, you know, uh, 10 years, and he wasn't even 10 yet.
00:20:06.434 --> 00:20:14.986
I'm like son, I loved you before you even formed in your mother's womb.
00:20:14.986 --> 00:20:18.259
It's like I saw you when I was young.
00:20:18.259 --> 00:20:24.233
I saw you by faith, yeah, and I had to explain to him like I saw you, so that I loves you more.
00:20:24.233 --> 00:20:27.397
He'd be like daddy, I loved you before time started.
00:20:27.397 --> 00:20:42.955
We go back and forth, forth, right, and it's such a beautiful, a wonderful thing yeah you know, and the reason I say love without constraint is because I can't even there's.
00:20:43.136 --> 00:20:52.093
It's hard for me to even fathom, to put this in mind, to process it, to compute it like there's nothing that I wouldn't do for him, do you understand?
00:20:52.093 --> 00:20:55.241
He could, god forbid, he could become the worst person on earth.
00:20:55.241 --> 00:21:00.940
He could become worse, worse than hitler, the most vile person you can think of.
00:21:00.940 --> 00:21:02.884
I still love him.
00:21:02.884 --> 00:21:04.615
I still love him because he's my son.
00:21:04.635 --> 00:21:09.394
That's your son, came from me, yeah and this is such a beautiful thing like it's.
00:21:09.394 --> 00:21:15.016
It's such an, it's such an awesome topic, and I think this kind of helps me get closer to you.
00:21:15.016 --> 00:21:17.422
Know why God will reveal himself as a father?
00:21:17.422 --> 00:21:23.383
Yeah, because I mean, it's a feeling that's indescribable and it's hard to articulate.
00:21:23.383 --> 00:21:29.500
My love has no limits when it comes to him, and I'm loving him as a father.
00:21:29.500 --> 00:21:31.211
What am I saying?
00:21:31.211 --> 00:21:34.237
I'm loving him as the source, just like God loves us as the source.
00:21:34.237 --> 00:21:40.597
I'm loving him as a provider, just as God loves us as the ultimate provider.
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